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Teens and Understanding the Grief from Loss
by: Lindy Tate


Introduction
This project has changed many times since its inception. Because of my personal life experiences with grief and bereavement associated with loss, I felt compelled to apply that to helping children cope with these emotions.

I began by going to the Hospice in my community. I spoke with the bereavement counselor about my project and asked her to mentor me. I wanted to start a support group for young children experiencing loss. She already had a group established so we talked about other ways I could work with kids experiencing grief from loss. The more we talked, the more it became evident that the one group in the community without support was the teens. The teenage population of this community has experienced many tragedies in the past few years. There are no support groups regularly in place to help teens process their grief. I realized I had found a need in my community.

Research
The next step was to research the subject. My research was based around support groups for teens and learning more about the grief process for that age group. As I read the articles I found on teens and social support, I began to realize how much this population struggles everyday with loss in various forms. They experience grief as a result of that loss. These losses, either large or small, have emotions attached that need to be understood and processed each time. Emotions that are not dealt with can pile up and cause confusion and emotional pain. This pain often leads to destructive and inappropriate behaviors such as letting grades slide, unprotected sex, or drugs and alcohol. It isn't just the loss of a loved one through death, it's the parent's divorce, the moving away of a friend, the loss of boy/girl relationships, or the athlete who gets injured and can't participate in the sport. Loss for the teen is also about losing innocence and the carefree life of a child. Their lives are constantly changing as they define who they are and what they want. They begin pushing away from the family and become independent. That process includes a great deal of natural loss. It is evident how important it is for a teen to process the death of a loved one when grief is already a part of life. It is important for teens to understand that these feeling are normal and a process that will follow its natural course.

Interviews
I interviewed four professionals who had some experience working with teens and grief revolving around death. I also spoke with three children who had gone through the Hospice children's support program several times after the death of their mother. The four women I interviewed had all worked with teens at one time in a group setting. All of the women stated they had trouble getting a group together and were not able to repeat the experience. Where would I find four to six teens for a group who had just recently lost a loved one? This dilemma became the impetus for change. One of the women I interviewed suggested I go directly to the teens at school and talk to them. Her idea planted a seed for me that began growing and has developed into the project I am now completing.

Description of the Intervention
I felt the need to help teens understand the emotions they experience around the losses in their lives and to give them some tools they can use to work through these feelings. I took the seed planting idea to the classroom and worked out a plan to inform students about the emotions revolving around the grief of loss in their lives. I took my final plan to the Bereavement counselor at Hospice for her input. We realized that my plan had evolved to fit into a program she had just received Grant funding for called GRASP, (Grief Response At Schools Program). She will start a training program for teachers and peer counselors in grief and bereavement at school. This program will be in place when tragedy happens and effects the whole school, or when one student is having exceptional difficulties with a loss. It was surprising how our two projects fed into each other.

I will be going into the two psychology classes at our local high school and talking to them about the emotions associated with the many losses they are experiencing as teens. I have an assignment for them to do the night before my class and an in class project. The homework assignment is a loss timeline running from birth till the present, plotting every loss that they can think of that had any kind of impact on them and the emotions that they can remember. We will discuss the timeline and tools to handle the emotions they feel in their lives. Then, I want the class to know that they do not have to struggle with unresolved, troubling emotions by themselves. The next exercise uses a daisy as an illustration. The daisy is a composite flower meaning that the center (them) as well as each petal (their support system) is a complete unit on its own but when you put them together, they make a whole and complete beautiful flower. That exercise will lead into a community resource list of people and places they can go for support through an emotional crisis. I feel that is good social work practice.

Evaluation of the Intervention
I will evaluate the project by having a questionnaire for the teacher asking about the content of the presentation and her perception of its effectiveness. I will ask the students in a questionnaire to evaluate what they learned and what handouts they found useful. I included a question about their interest in becoming peer counselors in the GRASP program and if they would participate in a group to talk about grief issues.

I'm pleased and excited about how this project has evolved. I am planting seeds in a small plot, but I am hoping that the yield will eventually be large. I can see this project continuing in the schools beginning at the junior high school level. I can see how this education of understanding the emotions around life losses, and how to handle them appropriately, would begin to improve many aspects of student life. Perhaps there would be better grades, less conflicts, less drug and alcohol use as well as pregnancies. I know that many teens would be happier, less confused, and in less emotional pain. If teens can understand and deal with their emotions, or learn to reach out for help, they will be happier, emotionally healthier adults.

My recommendations for this project, if continued, would be to schedule the opportunity to reach more classes than I did. I only had the time to talk to two classes. I believe it is an important subject that more teens need to hear about. I had even thought of arranging an assembly for the whole school and talking to church youth groups. I did choose two of the larger youth programs and put them on the resource list. The classes I have chosen to talk to are psychology classes at the local high school. As of this writing, I have not actually spoken to the two classes yet. I explained my project to the teacher when I was soliciting permission to do this project. She was delighted, telling me that this is a very important subject that gets ignored and shouldn't be. She is excited and looking forward to my presentation.

I hope someone will take on this project for his or her community. I would like to see it expanded and improved and more seeds planted. The subject of grief is important for everyone to examine and understand. We will all experience loss in various ways throughout our lifetimes. Understanding the grief associated with loss and how to handle it or where to go for help is a valuable tool we all could use, especially the teenager.

References
Cunningham, L. (1996) TAG: Teen Age Grief, Grief and the Adolescent TAG: Teen Age Grief, Inc. P.O. Box 220034 Newhall, California 91322-0034 Copyright 1996, tag@smartlink.net

Freeman, S. and Ward, S. (1998) Death and bereavement: What counselors should know. Journal of Mental Health Counseling. 20(3), 216-227.

Hupcey, J. and Morse, J. (1995) Family and social support: Application to the critically ill patient. Journal of Family Nursing. 1(3), 257-272.

Naierman, N. (1997) Reaching out to Grieving Students. Educational Leadership. 55(2), 62-69.

Schwab, R. (1997) Parental mourning and children's behavior. Journal of Counseling and Development. 75(4), 358-372.

Veach, T. and Nicholas, D. (1998) Understanding families of adults with cancer: Combining the clinical course of cancer and stages of family development. Journal of Counseling and Development 76(2), 144-167.

Interviews

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