How to Support After a Disclosure

When someone discloses harm to you, it’s a sign of trust. It’s important to remember that your role isn’t to save them, but to support them with care and respect. Start by listening without judgment, thanking them for sharing, and validating the courage it took to open up. How you respond can have a lasting impact on whether or not they will seek services, and continue to disclose. 

Below are suggestions for how to respond when someone discloses an experience of harm. If you’d like to learn more about how to support someone experiencing intimate partner or sexual violence, please contact us to schedule an appointment.

Things to Keep in Mind

Supporting someone through trauma requires ongoing care and understanding:

• Use language that supports, not blames
• Be patient. Healing isn’t linear and doesn’t follow a set timeline. There’s no “right” way to feel.
• Promote self-care: Encourage rest, grounding practices, whatever self-care looks like to them
• Validate their feelings. Everyone responds to trauma differently. Affirm their emotions without judgment.

What You Can Do

Your support matters. Here’s how to show up for someone in a caring and empowering way

• Listen without judgment. Resist the urge to question or interpret their story.
• Thank them for trusting you. Acknowledge the courage it takes to disclose.
• Encourage them to seek support. Offer information about available resources.
• Respect their choices. Empower them to make their own decisions about what comes next.

What Not to Do

These actions, even if well-intentioned, can be harmful or re-traumatizing:

• Don't blame them or imply it was their fault.
• Don't share their story with others without consent.
• Don't pressure them to report.
• Don't threaten to find or harm the person who caused the incident, this can increase their fear, guilt, or risk of harm

• Report to Title IX by calling 530-898-4949 and providing any information you recall. You do not need to ask the student for details, names, or further questions.
• If you are concerned with how to best support the student or struggling with emotions, then you can call or email Safe Place to consult and receive support.
• Make sure your students know that you are a mandated reporter and let them know about the two confidential resources

• You are often times the first confidant
• It is important to not tell your friend what to do. Intimate Partner or Sexual Violence is about power and control, so it is important for your friend to be empowered.
• It is normal to struggle with your own emotions when told or to even be triggered from your own past experiences

• As a parent, your instinct may be to fix things immediately or take action, try to pause and prioritize what your child needs in the moment.
• Disclosure is hard, even with people we trust. Their delay doesn’t reflect your relationship, it reflects the complexity of trauma.
• It's okay to feel strong emotions, remember that your child may be looking to you for calm, safety, and support as they process their own emotions.